As I experience life as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend, I am constantly challenged.

I am an emotional person!

I cry at every sappy movie, I physically empathize with the suffering, I get super excited at weddings, maybe more so than the bride herself, I get frustrated to the point of wanting to punch things, I can't sleep when babies are about to be born, and I uncontrollably talk out loud during tense and awkward scenes at the movies.
I experience life with my whole being... my own life, the lives of my loved ones, the lives of fictional characters on the big screen...

Lately, I find myself wondering, "Am I really experiencing LIFE the way I want to?"

Friday, May 28, 2010

Whataya Want From Me?

Running usually provides me with clarity of mind, which is one of the reasons why I love it so much. I think about things that I usually don't have time to think about. I don't control my train of thought, it just flows and bounces from one thing to the next. The other day, as I was pushing the double jogger up a steep hill, Adam Lambert's "whataya want from me" was playing on my ipod. Up until that day, I loved this song because it made me feel empowered and I sang the lyrics as if shouting them to everyone in the world really feeling "What the heck do you want from me? No really, what do you want from me? I can only do so much, I can only be so much, would everybody just stop please!"

However, as I struggled to push my 80 + lbs boys up the hill, I heard the lyric and I directed the question at myself, "Whataya want from me?" Right then and there I realized that I am the only one who really puts the pressure and expectations on myself and what do I expect from myself? Of course, I expect a whole lot. I've spent so much time resisting the feeling of other people wanting things from me, but i have slowly figured out, that it all comes down to what I want from myself. I can only do so much in a day, I can only be so much to so many people. I need to accept myself and the limitations that come along with being a mom.

1 comment:

  1. JackieJuly 20, 2010 at 7:33 PM

    We literally JUST had this conversation. It's hard enough when other people are putting expectations on you, and then you double the load by adding more yourself. It seems crazy, yet unavoidable at the same time, right? All we can do is accept what we are capable of, and do our best, just like you said.

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